July was in October....(for mom)

As most of you know my mother died July 18 03
her Birthday is October 1st
This is about that......
The Scent of July on October 1st
Cigarette smoke halos curl around my fingers and hair now
As the scent of July wilters away With the dead leaves of autumn
The dusk falls slowly through the skeletal branches
My hands clutching warmth wishing it were your hands
My mind struggles to seperate the anger and anguish
That is feeding deep within me
(I can't take back the voided summer days that last year I never saw you.)
I can smell July In October
What a dazed and confused dream.
I can't help but think your name is carved somewhere sacred
For everyone to see
Perhaps on a tree,No a tombstone,the cold walls of my heart..?
X's cloud the sky and I fall to my knees
I want to smell your perfume one last time
As your hand grazes my cheek
And your lips leave a mauve stamp on my forehead
I can smell July
on October 1st
And yet I can't utter the words.